Radical Honesty: YES or NO?

We’re in the middle of a workshop. The atmosphere is fantastic, we’re riding the wave, the program is flowing smoothly, and we’re all enjoying it. This time, I’m co-facilitating (a rare and special occasion for me) with a long-time colleague. We’ve known each other for over 30 years. We respect each other. Our relationship is rock solid.

But also… this is my eighth training day in the past two weeks. I’ve traveled far, slept little, and have personal concerns weighing on me. It took a lot of effort to be here.

The program is running well, the participants are happy. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, my colleague approaches me during the break with a playful grin and says:
“Katka, I have one BUF and one BUFÍK for you.”
(Translation: BUF = Brutally Honest Feedback.)

I look at him—surprised. There are about five minutes left in the break. I’m already running on reserves, but being the good sport I am, I say, “Alright…”
And with the best intentions, he drops two critiques about my work—critiques that, at this moment, feel completely irrelevant to me.

He didn’t acknowledge that I had successfully pivoted the agenda on the go, improvising seamlessly to keep the session engaging. That I managed to adapt in real-time while making sure the content resonated with those in the room. That was what mattered to me.

FOR THE RECORD
✅ I’m used to feedback. As a facilitator, I receive it all the time, and I genuinely welcome it.
✅ I respect my colleague and value his perspective.
And yet… this feedback didn’t land well.

Honesty isn’t everything. Context matters.
What state is the person in when you’re about to give them feedback?
And is the information you’re about to share truly relevant at this moment?

Did we stay friends? Of course! There were a few tears, some laughter… but it doesn’t always have to end this way.

So, what now?
🤔 Consider the context: How is the recipient feeling? Is this feedback useful right now, or would it be better saved for later?
💡 Ask yourself if it’s truly important: Is this a key insight? For whom? What happens if it’s left unsaid?
✨ Acknowledge what’s working, too: Otherwise, feedback can quickly shift from growth to discouragement.

❔ What do you think? Radical honesty—yes or no? Have you ever had an interesting experience with feedback?